Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
