its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
