i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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