just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
