Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We have so much sex to catch up on
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
