Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
