Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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