So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize