What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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