Nicole vs. Life
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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