I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
