Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
