Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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