when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
