Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My vagina is officially offended.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
