Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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