So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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