Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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