I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
How does one acquire holy water?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize