i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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