You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
