Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
How external is "for external use only"?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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