you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
