But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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