the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
