Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
