my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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