my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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