So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
