JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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