Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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