no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
