dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
