Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
