It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
