I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
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