So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
