Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
