Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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