yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
