I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
