Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
