On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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