if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
