Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
