it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
