She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
