Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
