i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
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