I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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