Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
