he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
