i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize