I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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