you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My butt remains clenched, sir.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
