Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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