Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
her vagine was all disorganized.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
