Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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