What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize