i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I fill condoms, not promises.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Randomize
