I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize