dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
