My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
