the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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