Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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