This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
