hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
