I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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