He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
i think my cat just said my name.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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